


romeo & juliet

by sadlybunny



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Crying, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pillow Talk, They just love each other a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:34:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25748992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadlybunny/pseuds/sadlybunny
Summary: The moment the words register in Dan’s mind, he sits up. “What?” Dan switches the lamp on and squints at Phil, rubbing his eyes.“You don’t cry when we have sex anymore.”
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 26
Kudos: 110





	romeo & juliet

**Author's Note:**

> if you’d like, listen to “romeo & juliet” by the killers to pick up the vibe. it’s originally by the dire straits but I prefer their version haha. enjoy!

The sun had already set, the roads lit by the street lights that lined the sidewalks. It was weirdly quiet outside, but Phil supposed it the silence was only so loud compared to the noise from inside their bedroom a few minutes ago. Dan lays across Phil’s chest and listens to his quick breaths. A sticky layer of sweat has formed between his cheek and his lover’s sternum. But he basks in the afterglow with a tiny, sleepy smile on his face. Phil reaches over to the lamp on the bedside table and turns it on. 

Phil runs his hand through Dan’s slightly sweaty curls. “How are you feeling?” His voice is weirdly absent. He sounds almost sad, or disappointed. 

Which is weird, because he definitely didn’t seem disappointed about 10 minutes ago.

Dan peels his face from Phil’s chest to stare at him quizzically. It stings his cheek and leaves a red print behind. “Fine? Great? What’d you mean?” He rubs his thumb over the wrinkle between Phil’s brows to soothe his concerned expression. 

Phil grunts and lays his head back onto his pillow. He goes to turn the lamp off, but Dan stops him. 

“Did you want to talk?” Dan sits up against the headboard and gestures for Phil to follow suit. He sighs and shakes his head. “Hey,” Dan moves closer to lay with Phil. “What’s up?”

Phil shakes his head again. “It’s nothing. Let’s sleep.” He switches the lamp off and returns his hand to Dan’s hair. Dan huffs but decides that they can discuss it another time, he’s quite tired right now. He closes his eyes and attempts to clear his mind. At least as best he can with everything going on with him right now. 

It’s silent in the room save for the deep breaths coming from each man. Dan’s mind dances in an awake-sleeping limbo, only aware of the warm chest rising and falling beneath him. 

“You don’t cry when we have sex anymore.” 

Phil’s voice was low and gravelly. If Dan didn’t understand Phil in every way, he probably wouldn’t have understood what he said while he was so close to a blissful sleep. 

The moment the words register in Dan’s mind, he sits up. “What?” Dan switches the lamp on and squints at Phil, rubbing his eyes. 

“You don’t cry when we have sex anymore.” Phil stares at the ceiling. “You always used to cry.” 

“You…” Dan is stunned, to say the least. “You _liked_ when I cried?” He thinks for a moment. “Is it like… a kinky thing?”

“What? No.” Phil scoffs. “I guess… I just don’t get why you stopped.” He pauses, insecurely wrapping his arms around himself. “Maybe… I miss that. I don’t know. I was just thinking about it. You crying doesn’t turn me on, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“It would be okay… if it did. You know?” Dan runs his hand through Phil’s hair and scratches at his scalp.

“I know.” Phil sighs. They have those type of discussions… but that’s not what this is. “But it doesn’t. I just…” Dan rubs his arm and continues to scratch his head while he gathers his thoughts. “I feel like all I do is miss you.”

Dan’s hand stills. A million negative thoughts run through his head, but he attempts to ignore them. “What do you mean?” 

Phil looks deeply into his eyes. He can feel Phil peeking into his brain. “Do you know that if I could only kiss you for the rest of my life, and never do anything else, I’d never stop?” 

Dan wants to laugh, but he can’t. It’s a weird sentiment, but it’s comforting. Phil never talks like this. Dan assumes it’s meant to soothe the thoughts that raged through his mind after Phil’s previous comment. 

He leans in for a quick kiss. “Why do you miss me?”

“I miss the way we used to be.” Phil snatches Dan’s hand and squeezes it. “But I’m not unhappy, before you think that. But I do feel like I’m just…” Phils hand waves around as he searches for the right words. “Keeping the beat. Without you, my life doesn’t have a real function. I go along but I don’t have a purpose.” 

Dan’s eyes burn. “But I’m right here.” 

“So, why don’t you?” Phil’s gaze returns to the ceiling. He taps his fingers against his hip.

“Why don’t I what?” 

He keeps his eyes forward and chokes a response out. “Why don’t you cry anymore.” 

Dan squeezes Phil’s hand intensely, the way he does when he needs to ground himself and remember that Phil is there with him. Phil squeezes back. “It’s in my nature to love you, Phil.” 

Phil’s eyes return to Dan’s. Icy blue meets watery honey brown. Dan grips his hand tighter. “And… back then, when we were younger, I had been kept from that side of me for so long. I had suffered so long in my own mind that being with you was so… freeing. And it lasted a really fucking long time because I internalized that for so long.” Phil brings his hand to Dan’s cheek and swipes his thumb at the tears. 

“I wasn’t cured in 2009, Phil.” 

“I know.” Phil states as he continues to dry the falling tears. 

“I’m still not. But…being with you now is different. I _know_ its right and I _know_ its good. I don’t just _feel_ it while we make love. I really truly know it.” Dan takes a deep breath. “I didn’t think it was a bad thing.”

“It’s not.” Phil says quickly. “I was just worried. Worried that you were… done with me, or something. And loving you is the one thing I can do. I don’t want to mess it up.” 

“You haven’t.” Dan kisses their joined hands. “You saved me.”

Phil pauses for a breath. “If you asked me to steal the stars for you, I would.”

Dan switches off the lamp and wraps himself around Phil’s side, resting his head on Phil’s chest again. “I know.”

It’s good they had this talk. Dan never even thought about how his tendency to cry during sex when they were younger had even stopped. They had never really addressed it in the first place, other than their first time. Phil thought he was hurting Dan, but Dan had only smiled and pulled him into a deep kiss, continuing what had been interrupted. After he had asked about it those first few times when they were brand new, he never brought it up again. Probably because Dan had always shrugged him off, assured him it was nothing, claimed it was “just that good”, and so on. Maybe Dan didn’t really understand it himself until right now. Then again, all he really knows is how completely and utterly in love he is with this man.

That’s good enough for both of them, now.

“You and me, babe.” Phil mumbles, finally succumbing to sleep.

Dan smiles and kisses his lover’s cheek. “You and me.”

**Author's Note:**

> say hi on tumblr @sadlybunny and please let me know if you listened to the song!! <3


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